Guilt

This week, I have this overpowering guilt for not spending enough time with Gaven - this guilt for sending him to daycare. When he tries to get out of my arms or when he doesn’t respond to me when I try to make him laugh, I was certain that he hates me for sending him to daycare.

Any working moms out there feel the same way? Or is this nutso me over thinking stuff again? I hope this is just a temporary feeling because this is not fun. Maybe I feel this way this week because it’s Gaven’s first week at new daycare. An actual daycare place with other kids that seek care from a total stranger so their parents can go to work. Gaven has been under our friend’s care for close to 3 months since my parents left. This was a temporary arrangement until we found the daycare we like and trust. Hence, the transition to new daycare this week.

When I dropped Gaven off yesterday, I saw this 2 year old boy crying sitting on the floor asking for his mommy. He kept on saying “I want my mommy, I want my mommy”. It was heartbreaking to watch. I tried to cheer him up by saying that he has Gaven to play with. I see him in the mornings when I drop Gaven off (since Monday, so 4 days so far), he always looks happy and excited to be there. I was surprised to see him so upset yesterday morning. It makes me wonder if Gaven ever feels the same way? If he could talk, will he be crying and ask for his mama? Gaven always seem very happy and smiley when I drop him off. As soon as we put him on the floor, he started crawling, grabbing toys and stuff them in the little mouth of his.

This morning, however, Hayden (the little boy that cried yesterday) looked very happy and can’t wait to play with Gaven when we arrived. Maybe there are just days that kids are extra clingy to their parents and there are days that they just want to be with their friends and have fun. Who knows what they are thinking?

I hope I will stop feeling this guilty and stop thinking that Gaven hates me for sending him off.